Monday, February 27, 2006

The Low Oil Diet * What's Up With That, Gosh Darn It? *

The Low Oil Diet is America's key to losing weight. It turns out there is a direct connection between obesity and the annual consumption of commercial primary energy of countries. First, see this table from the International Obesity Task Force website:

Then, note this chart of the Energy consumption per capita - 2001 from the Globalis website.

We need to stop our consumption of fossil fuels to help get our tummies back under control. It's a worldwide epidemic and it's time to take action. Write your Congressman today asking for the new alternative in the weight watching world. You won't even have to try to lose weight as all the products and lifestyles you know that allow it will vanish. The Low Oil Diet is the one true way to get all of America thin and beautiful again.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

* NINJA PREDICTION * Americans will live like Cubans and lose weight!

Ok, it may not be today or tomorrow, but someday this is coming our way…we won’t have any more oil. Sounds crazy right? It’s true though, as oil is a non-renewable resource. Estimates vary but the “United States Geological Survey estimates that there are enough petroleum reserves to continue current production rates for 50 to 100 years. That is countered by an important Saudi oil industry insider who says the American government's forecast for future oil supply is a "dangerous over-estimate." You can learn more about this at this article on Peak Oil at wikipedia. With this in mind we may have 50 to 100 years left. That means you and I may see the end of oil. Sounds like it’s time to get back to the roots doesn’t it?

That’s what Cuba had to do when it lost most of its oil imports after the fall of the Soviet Union. This article “The Power of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil” reveals how Cubans changed their lifestyles to get closer to the land in order to survive. Life styles apparently changed so much that “…the average Cuban lost 30 pounds.”

One could easily look at that fact and say. “Hey, America needs to lower its oil diet and its people will lose weight.” I wonder if it would be possible to set up an equation to look at oil consumption relative to obesity in countries. I bet the effectiveness of the South Beach diet couldn’t touch that of the Low Oil Diet. Maybe trans fats are a real distraction from the oils we really need to cut.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


EATON, Ind. - An Indiana canning plant put an exciting new spin on the old familiar can o’beans last week. But not everyone is ready for the limited run “chicken head and pinto bean” concoction.

At least that was the case when a slightly nauseated Illinois woman called the authorities after finding the beheaded fowl staring up at her through a heap of slimy beans.

The manager of the Indiana canning plant said Monday that he was baffled by the mishap.

"We don't know anything, and we are waiting on the results of tests," said the general manager of the Eaton-based Meridian Foods. "We have procedures in place to prevent these things from happening, and we have reviewed those procedures."

The manager said he was eager for more information about how the guillotined hen was discovered by a DeKalb, Ill., woman who reported buying the can at a grocery store in nearby Aurora, Ill.

A canning company for four decades, Meridian has been owned by Clinton, Mich.-based Eden Foods since 1994. Meridian is Eden's sole canning plant.

The 29-employee plant packs about 12 varieties of cooked beans. The chicken-headed variety has been discontinued indefinitely.

* NINJA PREDICTION * Rural Singles fall in love

Online dating is definitely hot right now across our fair land, but it’s getting a bit hotter as rural folk can finally avoid mixing with their urban counterparts. Thanks to digital love on the farm is finally possible. It invites “Farmers, Ranchers, Country Folks and the sincere, down-to-earth people who respect and cherish the rural lifestyle” to find each other through the connecting power of online dating.

This Ninja predicts any rural readers of this blog will soon find a new love in their lives. Love is in the breeze whether you’re on the farm or maybe want to go back. Make Rural Singles your way to farm again. But don’t take my word for it read what this southern Wisconsin paper has to say.

Turin vs. Torino * What's Up With That, Gosh Darn It? *

What's up with English speaking countries calling the town of Torino, Italy, Turin? I know the Olympics are almost over but how ignorant do you think we are? If this doesn't bother the city folk, it seems ignorance must be welcomed by all of our sophisticated western culture. Is saying Turino really that much harder than Turin? You can see on the official website for the 2006 Olympics it is called Torino. Where as on our American networks like AOL it is called Turin. Anyway, what the heck is up with that, gosh darn it?

Thursday, February 23, 2006

* RURALNEWS * China values farmland more than the USA

China values farmland more than the USA

First notice this article "Keeping the family farms is vital in keeping land worth living on" from the Winston-Salem Journal.

The article speaks to the issues of sprawl and the countryside. This may be a familiar argument, but did you know the same argument is happening in China as we speak. It seams the Chinese may value their farmland more than us. If you're convicted of breaking laws in regards to farmland acquisition and transactions you can receive up to seven years imprisonment.

In America yesterday, it seems we don't value our "natural" land or water as much as our new Supreme Court team seems to be supporting the side of developers in a important Wetlands Case.

As the Winston-Salem article says...

"The small farm is dwindling at an astronomical rate. The disappearance of this great legacy is attributed to two main factors: urban sprawl and lack of involvement from the younger generation. Urban sprawl can make farming difficult because of traffic congestion and increases in property values. The lack of involvement from the younger generation decreases the number of farms. Do we need to save the small family farm? Will there be any consequences from the disappearance? The answer to both questions is yes."

Don't you see America? Sustainable futures, green lifestyles, and a healthy people all depend on land to produce food not strip malls and sub-divisions. This seems to be America's greatest epidemic and one that will threaten the younger generations that can't go back to the farms even if they'd like to.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

FARMTOWN FLABBERGASTER: World’s most dangerous lawn ornament found in Oregon town

WOODBURN, Ore. – A Korean War-era shell loaded with TNT was removed last week from a family’s front yard after sitting there for over two decades.

While missing the fuse, an Oregon state police expert said the shell could have gone off in extreme circumstances.

"If the place had caught fire, then the shell could have detonated," said Sgt. Steve Sigurdson of the state police explosives unit.

The shell was 3 feet long, weighed 150 pounds and was of a type was shot from 8-inch-diameter howitzers during the Korean War.

Police were tipped off when a nephew of the family with military explosives training examined the lawn ornament, according to police.

"They had been using this thing as a lawn ornament," said Sigurdson. "It had been there on the property when they moved in 20 years ago."

Bomb experts from the Oregon National Guard's air base in Portland picked up the shell shortly after and will dispose of it, Sigurdson said.

Monday, February 20, 2006

KNOW-HOW: Got udders?

Why should dairy farmers have all the fun? Grab a teet and squeeze something sweet. If butterboy to the right over here can do it, so can you.

1. Milk Ms. Cow during the same time of day, each day, and sit on the same side of the Ms. Cow each time. This gives Ms. Cow a sense of comfort and routine. She'd do the same for you if it were your nipples.

2. Place Ms. Cow in a stanchion if you're scared of Ms. Cow. What's a stanchion? It's a big wooden or metal rig that holds the Ms. Cow's head in place. Once the two of you know each other better, a stanchion won't be necessary, if ever at all.

3. Place stool at a right angle to Ms. Cow and sit with your head resting on her flank. Awwwww......

4. Wash her udder with warm water and a clean cloth. Clenliness is next to godliness, and some cows are gods, according to some Indians.

5. Place "pail" under teats. Buckets work too.

6. Place Ms. Cow's teat in the palm of your hand. Squeeze her teat at top with thumb and forefinger. Continue squeezing each finger around teat, forcing milk in a stream. Aim well. Milk's not free. Well, this milk is. But anyway....

7. Repeat until only a small amount of milk comes out and Ms. Cow's udder is soft to the touch.

8. Take a swig from the bucket. Never have you had milk fresher. Show Ms. Cow your milk mustache. She'll love that.

FARMTOWN FLABBERGASTER: Iowa’s hot sauce hooligan on the loose after toilet tantrum

Police are still on the lookout for a man who vandalized a Mexican restaurant’s bathroom after accusing employees of slipping hot sauce in his tacos.

According to witnesses, the man drove his red 1994 GMC Jimmy through the Council Bluffs, Iowa Taco John's drive thru Friday night. After grabbing his order, the man pulled over, walked into the restaurant, and began yelling at employees for squirting hot sauce on his tacos, police said.

An employee assured the man that the restaurant doesn't put hot sauce on any of its tacos. The man then walked into the bathroom and cracked the tank on the toilet, police said.

FARMTOWN FLABBERGASTER: Move to rural Iowa: tasty corn, quaint little towns and….free land.

Marne, Iowa is fixing to be a full-fledged blip on the map with offers of free land for new residents.

The proposed land grab prompted more than 1,200 hits in two weeks on the western Iowa town's web site.

"It snowballed," Marne Mayor Randy Baxter told reporters, following coverage of the free land offer by nearby newspaper, radio and television outlets.

The land giveaway is part of an effort to increase the town's population from 149 to 200 in the next four years.

Interest in the offer flooded in from New York to California, Baxter said.

"It's been from a wide range of people," he said. "Singles, couples, young families and retired people."

The town is taking applications while its housing committee sets rules for what kinds of homes the newcomers can build on the available lots.

Mobile homes will be accepted, but trailers will not, Baxter said.

Oh, and that's a photo of Mayor Baxter above (no joke), taken from the official town website. The photo's caption reads, "Our new mayor is dangerous with a lighter!!"

Sunday, February 19, 2006

* RURAL NEWS * Rural Culture is Almost Extinct

In this recent article at Inhabitat, Geoff Manaugh of BLDGBLOG comments on light pollution in the world today. If you click on the image to the right it will take you to the NASA page with a larger version of it. With that in mind, notice how illuminated all of the United States is. It's a bit of a nightlight. Can we even think of any of the USA as rural then? Is it possible that we've pushed all true rural life out of our borders?

When a farm boy in Iowa listens to the same music, watches the same TV, eats the same food, plays the same sports, and wears the same clothes as his urban counterpart can he really be considered rural? I really don't think so. It seems like a strong argument toward the fact that rural culture is almost extinct in the USA.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Trucker Hat...What's Up With That, Gosh Darn It?

" The craze started after Justin Timberlake was spotted wearing a Von Dutch hat to a Grammy after-party. Fred Durst, Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears and other celebrities quickly followed suit, and the hats were quickly snatched off shelves while still warm." This quote is taken from a Hilary Magazine article you can find here.

OK, Ashton Kutcher may be from Iowa, but what's up with that? Isn't strange how one dude can wear a hat and it becomes a national phenomena. This reminds me how strange the times we live in really are. Sure, it's just a hat, but think about how much celebrities effect how people see themselves. In this case a piece of the blue-collar farming world has been imported into the realm of the rich and famous.

I think this fad is pretty much out of popularity now. There apparently was quite a backlash to the style as you can see on this blog.

Anyway, what's up with that, gosh darn it?

By the way, if you want the hat above click here.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

PBR, Pabst, and the Cool Factor

What's Up With That, Gosh Darn It?

Isn't it strange how cool kids have picked up certain pieces of American Culture? A great example of this is PBR. If you buy this in many rural parts of America people look at you like there is something very wrong with you. Yet, in the cities Hipsters have embraced PBR as the cool cheep beer to drink. You're guaranteed to look cool with a PBR in your hand. Then there's the cultural difference of saying I'd like a PBR vs. I'd like a Pabst. West Coast says PBR. Midwest says Pabst. East...not sure.

Anyway, what's up with that gosh darn it?

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Fern Fronds & translating beauty

Fern Fronds, Art Deco ornaments. Fern Fronds are of nature and inherently rural. Yet when cast bronze they take on a very cultured beauty. Man using his ingenuity to extract raw materials from the earth and transform them into representations of nature. It's strange how beauty transforms from one thing to another. Peace.

Setting cool standards for a Ninja near you

Ok, Let's get this shit straight. This ninja likes his style and thinks you probably wish you were cool too. So here you go this is your guide to cool.

Hair = keep it simple and put some body in it, personally I like Slept In Texture Crème by Short Sexy Hair, it's great when you wear hoods all the time

Shoes = Adidas, especially black Adidas running shoes. These are great for support on back flips and being quiet while doing sweet Ninja things

Pants = Carhartt, black work pants. Anyone who’s scooped pounds of horse poop knows that Carhartt is the best working man's clothes whether you're workin' the farm or doin' sweet ninja moves

Gloves = Dainese Guanto Speed Knuckle Gloves. Sure these are for motorcyclists but think about how tough you'll look in these no matter what you're doing. Those knuckle guards are awesome.

Cologne = Don't wear cologne unless you want someone to smell you. I don't like people smelling me. period.

Jacket = FRANK THOMAS LAURENZO LEATHER JACKET - black of course. Sweet for jumps off buildings and rolling. May seem like an untraditional Ninja outfit, but do you see football players wearing the same small leather helmets they wore 90 years ago? Ninjas evolve too. More cool to come. Peace.

Adidas, Gucci, Versace, or Bugle Boy clothes don't make you

It's amazing how certain cultures feel they're superior. This is especially true for urban cultures. Being more "cultured" somehow seems to lead to thoughts of superiority. That's really bullheaded and small-minded for someone so enlightened. It's similar to racial inequality in the sense that you use a simple designator...where someone is from, the color of their skin, their native language, the clothes they judge their position relative to your own. Let's set us up a formula gosh darn it:

A = where you are from
B = your favorite meal
C = your favorite musician
D = IQ
E = religion
F = how many books you've read in the last year
G = knowledge of pop culture (1-10)
H = vocabulary skill (1-10)
I = skill at monopoly (1-10)
J = which is better, Napoleon Dynamite or Fight Club?
K = Hick or Hipster?
L = Republican or Democrat?
M = Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore?
N = Organic or engineered?
O = judging someone when you really get down to it is really bloody complicated and it's stupid to base it on banal facts or background info
P = judging is a bad idea to begin with though hard to resist
Q = I love to judge because it supports my vulnerable ego
R = It's just easier to think less of someone OK?
S = I have no interest in understanding people who aren't like me
T = Why understand them anyway, they're just not like me and they don't understand me so back off and leave me alone
U = America is a sovereign country and I'm sovereign too, I like to keep my people close to me and have no interest in mixing with people not like me
V = Sports or Drama?
W = All people from small towns listen to country and drive pickups
X = Let country folk have NASCAR and Christian rock
Y = Let city folk have their gays and ballet
Z = Tolerance is for sissies.

Ok, if A+D = X or Y and B+C/G < or = to O then P and Q apply directly to K

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Seattle has a program known as the Ghostcycle project that places bikes painted ghost white at locations of bicycle accidents. The program exists to raise public awareness of bike riders. Whenever you see one, like the one to the left, it's a talisman of sorts. The object is meant to force a magical cultural awareness of bicycles.

Wouldn't it be interesting if "ghost mannequins" would be placed in a rural community in the Midwest to represent all the missing people who up and left? Wouldn't that be an amazing talisman to remind you where so many roots come from? Wouldn't it be a reminder of all the George Bailey's who decided to leave Bedford Falls? Just a thought. Peace

Sunday, February 05, 2006

the start of a modern almanac

"Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army. If we retrench the wages of the schoolmaster, we must raise those of the recruiting sergeant." Edward Everett -1847

"The best liberty is to serve God and mind your business. Read newspapers, but consider before you believe; for common report is often a great liar."

"Believe not half you hear; and how to believe of what you read in the newspaper is not in my power to tell or imagine, in these wild party time. But if you read at all, I advise you to read both sides."

The word "newspaper: is derived not from the word new, but from
which it was usual in old times to put at the head of a periodical publication, indicating that the information was derived from the four quarters of the globe.

"Devil on My Shoulder" a review

I listened to
This American Life Episode 213 "Devil On My Shoulder” from 5/24/02 this week. It has part of it that speaks with Faron Yoder from the Amish Country of Indiana. It's a really interesting example of an individual from a rural culture being caught between the tradition of the community and his own ambitions and desires.

There's something rather socialist in nature about the community he grew up in. It's socialist in the sense that the good of the whole is considered the best good for every individual. When one stretches away from that only pain and torment will follow. It's strange how Christian teachings have so many socialist manifestations and the older groups that may be more true to The Word stick true to those. Yet, somehow Christianity has turned into a very capitalistic tool for America. We pray nationally together for all kinds of goals. Maybe we're praying for the wrong things?

I have a lot of respect for the Amish way of life and to hear a young man so torn by splitting from it is really intriguing. When he talks of the reasons he left you have to wonder is it really worth it? This is a very pure cultural formula with the Amish culture being such a pure rural variable. Such pure rural cultures are few and far between as they have been slowly taken over by our culture of individuality. There’s a lot to think about relative to this. Peace. RN